Anonymous said: masturbating might be a sin, but hurting yourself or killing yourself isn't better. whatever happens, god put you here for a reason and he will forgive you. have a nice night.

Thank you now lets just wait and see what that reson is

Reality

The people that are soposed to care about me are asleep in the next room and hey have no idea what i am doing to myself :’(

The great war of demi-leigh (me)

Non of you know me and i just need to vent. They are two things running around my head now, two battles. I really need to self harm. And the only other way iv ever been able to prevent myself from doing it is masterbateing. I already feel like a worthless piece of trash and a fucking slut. I can not masterbate. masterbateing is a sin and i am trying to redeam myself. But now im sat here shaking looking at my lightbulb trying not to think about it. Do u know what happens when you tell someone not to think about something? Its all that runs around there head. Self harm or masterbate. I was gonna eat and i just laughed at myself. Im not doing all this hard work at the gym for nothing you know. This war is a hard one, im not in charge. Im not the one that gives the orders. But im telling you now im gonna die before i win this war ….

Mabey mams do know best ….

So i was on a visit to see my mam and them and my mam turned aroind and said that id be back in hospitle soon with the way im going on but mabey she is right. When i was at my nannas i went into the kitchen cubard and there where a packet of pills and i wanted tbem.i wanted them all. When we went shopping i looked at every single thing i could hurt myself with. When we got home i just stared at the kitchen knifes. Stared at the stanly knife dad had left outside. Went into the bath room picked up my mams nail scissers and i swear i was gonna do.it i was gonna shove it through my neck to show that bitch how her words hurt calling me a dam tramp. I was gonna write in blood ‘just a tramp’ but i.put it back and i thought to myself “all in good time. They will see. They will see when its too late … ” cos they will. Mother knows best.

Depression

Sometimes it shocks me how people are so blind to how im feeling. Why the fuck do they think im laying in bed all day? Well my mam thinks its cos im lazy … Do you wanna know what i want? I want to put my head on my pillow tonight and i dont want to wake up. I want to sleep forever. My dreams are better than my reality. I drempt last night that i was kissed and that the person i kissed restrained me from taking a bag of pills and told me that he loved me. That is not going go happen in reality ….

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